I recently was told to, “Lean into my fear.” I understand this all too well, especially when it comes to Figure Skating. The deeper the lean on an edge, the better the move will be. But, to lean on skates that are millimeters in width, yikes!..It’s scary. So, round and round we go. We don’t want to lean into something that scares us. It goes against our human nature. Instead, we should want to run from fear and not lean into it or face it head on. But today, I conquered a huge fear of (smaller) heights that the first several attempts left me sick and frozen. Which is precisely what fear does. It paralyzes us. It stops us from moving forward. It keeps us in the same exact place or worse yet, it sets us back.
What made today different was the fact I had no choice. What I needed was up above in the loft and I had to climb up there and crawl through some boxes. After a few minutes, I noticed my body started to show symptoms of panic. But, I refused to listen. I couldn’t run even if I wanted to. The only way to go was down…off a ladder. I had to go slow and stop myself from freaking out.
If I have learned nothing else from being a Figure Skater, I have learned quite possibly the greatest lesson of all. Small victories, eventually lead to big ones. To master the advanced level skills, it takes a whole lot of little skills combined. At each lesson, I have to overcome some sense of fear. I hate to fall. It hurts. But the alternative is, to sit on the sidelines. I have never been one to do that. I refuse to sit idly by while the world passes me by. I want to live it. I want to be a part of life. I want to experience the crash of the waves, to the peaceful sound of nature when I hike. But, New York City, oh how I love it.
Ususally around Christmas time, I visit the city. I can skate at the Rockefeller Center and hear the sounds and see the sights of Christmas. But, it’s such a magical place in itself any time of the year. Pretty soon, with the film I will have to go to California. I will get to explore new places and meet new people. I plan to see the Redwoods while there. Does it scare me to have to branch out, being an introvert? Of course. But, if I want to be a “real” filmmaker, I have no choice. I have to do what filmmakers do. Sometimes when we are left with no other choice, it is the best possible place we can be. That “no other choice,” causes us to press through the fear. If I want to be a Gold level skater, I have to do what Gold level skaters do. I have to pass the tests to get me there. Which means, I have to face a lot of scary moves, jumps, spins, bumps and bruises.
Because I am an “introvert,” I like being alone. It’s when I can think, pray, write and create. I am not withdrawn. I am quiet. I am in constant motion though at times, I am standing still, contemplating my next move. I am always searching for answers and how to fix things. I have faith in God and I know nothing is impossible with Him. Sometimes, my faith has to catch up with my dreams. My dreams are so big and at times, I don’t have the faith to back them up. So, I have to side-step and get some more faith and then get back to dreaming. But, I don’t just want to dream. I have to do! I have to lean into things that scare me. Whether it is talking to an investor or trying a new jump, I have to trust in my own two feet and trust the guidance that God gives me and the help of those around me.
I might not be where I want to be, but I am on the way to getting there! Still, I KNOW I have to go at a pace that is right for the next level and the next phase of my life. I love to write. It’s like as easy to me as breathing. Words are a very powerful tool. They can lift someone up, or tear them to pieces. Words can make us laugh or they can make us cry. They can disappoint and they can bring hope. They can hurt and they can heal. They can make us sad when, we are expecting to be happy. Today’s words for me after all of this, are “no other choice.” I have no other choice but to lean into the fear and just get moving! I cannot continue to just sit in the boat. If Peter walked on water, so can I!